Hating Motherhood (Right Now)

Im struggling with this whole HBL (Home-based Learning) system whenever Singapore goes into a heighten alert phase. It is one thing to have the kids home all day while i try to have conversations with my clients regarding their photos display sizes for their wedding reception but…all of that AND having to go through HBL is excruciating. Personally, this would be number 5 on my list of THINGS THAT FEELS LIKE HELL.

“It’s 3 panels of display and your photo sizes will either be a combination of A1 x 2 + A2 x 5 or you can also have A1 x 3 and A2 x 3”

Meanwhile in the backgroud…“AHHHHHHH, mummy, mummy C says im a VeggiePotatoHead..”

Yeah, but put that whole scenario on repeat x 10000 and at a volume that would rival a gambling den.

I only have 2 kids. 2 and im driven up the wall on a daily basis, every 10mins.

And yes, I will be the first to admit that I have indeed, had to hide in my bathroom pretending to take a dump because if I heard another “Mummy, can I take a break now” after doing 1 fucking multiple choice question in a span of 30mins, I might finally have my face splashed across national newspaper and it wont be something my parents would want to frame up in their home.

For the past few weeks, I end each day feeling like a shitty ass mother that failed (yet again) to find patience during the day. Not for the lack of trying but somehow when im on a call for work, trying to test my older son on his chinese spelling and explain why you dont need 12 fingers to get the answer for 7 + 5 to the younger one, I JUST CANNOT be that freaking disney mum that just smiles, hums and breezes through her days with a smile while clearly home-schooling her 5 kids.

Im like…Maleficent. I love you, but i have a limit to my patience and at the moment, that limit has been so far crossed by 10am every morning, im just an evil witch that will set everyone on fire at the slightest hint of an eyeroll.

I have since resorted to threatening my 6 and 8 year old with “STOP THAT OR I WILL CALL YOUR FATHER”

That usually works.

For 10 minutes.

And then…“Mummmmmmy, if I finish my homework, can we all go swimming?”

Me: “Are you almost done?”

My kids: “Yes…im almost done but I just have 4 more pages left of my math and 4 more pages left on my english and my chinese spelling”

THEY ONLY HAD 4 pages of math and english to do from the beginning. I cant even.

How about the fact that I find myself having to repeat “Please do your homework now” at least 20 times each day? The first 3 times im saying it in a nice, amazing mum kind of voice. The kind that movie mums say, “Hey kids, get your homework done okay?” I would even give them a smile, maybe it was a smile of hopefulness. The next 17 times, the tone changes into a monster with rage issues.

I cannot spend my life sitting next to them like a vulture. If I had the patience to be a teacher, i would have joined MOE and made a career there (just saying). What is worse? When I get a call from his teacher asking me why he didnt finish his homework. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?! Its not my homework. I am not your student. I am in my thirties and completing a whole chinese composition based on the life of some chinese boy name XIAO MING who went to the market with his mother is not even on my TASKLIST. Please, ask your student why didnt he finish his homework. Also, dont ask me why I didnt revise his chinese homework with him. I wrote my entire chinese exam in HAN YU PIN YIN so thats why, I strongly suggests that I not be the one to help him revise something I myself dont know.

Urgh! All of that and it also does not help that im GERMAPHOBIC. Yeap. So technically im also terrified that they go to school and catch something.

Read this and i am wondering the same thing, why?


At this moment, I am hating motherhood. What is worse is that I actually feel bad feeling that way but its the truth. I feel bad when im cuddling them in the night and sniffing their almost-non-baby-smelling hair, looking like absolutely perfect little angels.

#worldsworstmum #HBLisnotmything #failingatbeingamum #stayhomemumgig #stayhomemum #notworkingout #motherhood